To Have and to Hold, From This Day Forward

And yet again, life has gotten in the way of keeping my blog followers updated on my life events! My sincere apologies for not sharing sooner that on November 4th, 2012, I said yes to forever with the love of my life! He planned a beautiful proposal at the Grove Park Inn in Asheville, NC, a place that is a true respite and little piece of heaven on earth. It was complete with a beautiful diamond ring, a champagne toast, photographer, and a breakfast with my Mom the next day. It was absolutely perfect, and I couldn't be more thrilled. How funny it is that I can't imagine life without him, and have difficulty even remembering times when we weren't together. God has blessed us beyond measure, and brought us to this day (finally!). We are planning a wedding for November of next year, in my home church, surrounded by friends and family, and what I hope will be beautiful Fall weather. How I'll get through the next ten months without bursting with excitement, I'm not quite sure, but I do have plenty of details to keep me busy. I've chosen my childhood best friend to stand at the altar with me, my dear brother to walk me down the aisle, and perhaps two of the most precious children I know to take part in our special day. I pray that God will give me grace to keep the true focus of our union in my heart and mind as I spend many of the next several months thinking about colors, favors, and music. I'm not quite sure what I did to deserve this man and to feel this complete, but I am so thankful that I did something right! Stay tuned in the coming months for the unfolding of our wedding plans. Thank you for your patience and for sharing in our joy!

I said yes!

In other news, we celebrated our last "separate" Christmas, and were able to spend some time with our family and friends in our home states. It was a beautiful holiday, and filled with memories. I can say that the joy of the holiday season was tempered by the tragedy in Connecticut and the loss of the lives of so many innocent children. This particular event shook me to my core and caused an ache that I didn't even know was possible. I grieved for the children, their families, and everyone affected by such a heartbreaking loss. Images flashed through my mind of children in my family, my friends' children, and even the children of my own that I hope to have someday. What a striking reminder of what a blessing children are to this world, and that their precious lives each hold a purpose. I consider myself blessed to devote my life's work to assisting children and families in times of illness and crisis. As news coverage of this tragedy begins to quiet, I pray that the lives of the children lost will inspire us to treat our loved ones with compassion and dignity, treasure the lives of children, and demand change.

So, to my blog followers, I wish you a start to the New Year that is filled with optimism, ideas, grace, and redemption. Choose your path this year and be forgiving of yourself and others. Remember that you cannot care for others without prioritizing the physical and mental health of yourself. Blessings to all you love in this world!

Something About a Southern Girl

Just checking in to let all my followers know, that I am indeed settled in the beautiful South, and remembering what it feels like to be "home again." The transition was not without it's challenges, tears, and questions. There continue to be days where my heart aches just a bit for the job, friends, and life I left behind. However, I continue to find new opportunities for my heart to be filled, including a wonderful job that allows me the opportunity to create opportunities for patients and families, while allowing myself to prioritize my physical health. I have been blessed with feelings of renewed energy and strength, and increased peace in the daily adjustments my health still requires me to make. Thankfully, my new co-workers have welcomed me with open arms, and are eager to make me feel as if I've been part of their team for years, rather than months. My daily opportunities to advance programming, and utilize my previous experience to enhance patient services are numerous! My work life has completely changed, and I still need reminders to adjust my own way of thinking and communicating. For instance, one of my new tasks is working with children who are experiencing the illness or death of a loved one in an adult Intensive Care Unit. This is quite a role reversal from supporting parents of pediatric patients. I continue to be amazed and empowered by the strength of children and adolescents and their resiliency. How I wish I could bottle that for times when I am experiencing my own struggles!

Returning to the South, I have been able to visit my family more in the past several months than I did all of last year. I've been able to celebrate birthdays, out-of-town visits, and relaxing weekends at home. Sometimes I feel that I am a completely changed person after my experiences of the past two years. However, walking through the doors of a childhood home tends to ground me and remind myself of where I came from and where I draw most of my inner strength. My wonderful boyfriend also makes life in the South sweeter than before. We are enjoying time together, exploring what our small town has to offer, and envisioning our life together. We joined a church that is beautiful and welcoming, and makes every Sunday feel like home. We talk about what the future holds, about houses, families, and puppies, and continue to feel blessed that we have been given this opportunity to be together. 

To all of my friends, family members, and former co-workers in the path of Hurricane Sandy: Please be safe, think clearly, and follow the instructions given by city officials. To my hospital friends, thank you for the sacrifices you make during times like these to ensure that patient care is uninterrupted!

Finally, to share some of my new favorite ways for some daily smiles, check out the following links: 

http://dog-shaming.com/
I literally laugh out loud every single day, and I don't even own a dog. Seriously, your bad mood has no chance against these hilarious pups!

http://www.earthcam.com/usa/southcarolina/greenville/?cam=giraffe_int
This is an amazing live-feed of a baby giraffe born at a local zoo. I keep an eye on this little guy throughout the day and think that it is absolutely fascinating!

To my fellow blog followers: Wishing you physical safety this week, opportunities to provide support to others, and something that "grounds" you or reminds you of home. Blessings to all you love in this world!

There Are Places I Remember

My apologies for another delay in posting, which can only be excused by the multitude of life changing events that have occurred in the past several months! First and foremost, I will be leaving my current place of employment at the end of this month to return to the South and a new position. This was a decision filled with emotion, prayer, and months of careful consideration. Ultimately, I owe it to myself to take more than adequate care of my body physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I can say with certainty that my current position, while one of the most rewarding experiences I have had in my short professional career, can not uphold that standard. Six months ago, I might never have needed to ensure that my workplace could help me to maintain physical and emotional strength. However, after a dramatic change in health status, I have come to learn that making life adjustments is part of the territory, something that I am still learning how to effectively do, but getting lots of practice! While I am very confident in my decision to take a new professional journey, I will certainly leave a part of myself behind at an institution that exceeded any and all of my expectations of the path that pediatric healthcare should take. When I walk through those doors for the last time in several weeks, I will consider myself blessed for being given the opportunity to make an impact, however small, on patients and families. I will take with me every experience, from the heart-warming to the devastating, as I move forward. While I never anticipated needing to journey away from this place, I am sure that it will continue to have larger-than-life impacts on children for years to come.

As it turns out, I will have a partner on this new journey to the South. Several months ago, I reunited with someone who has been in my life and in my heart, in one form or another, for many years. After some much needed time to explore adulthood a little bit on our own, we have decided to continue this journey together. Despite a quite colorful history, beginning my sophomore year of college, and plenty of mistakes made along the way, I couldn't be more in love and confident that God has more perfect timing than we can imagine for ourselves. I have never been more at peace in knowing that he was right for me all along, and that we had other tasks in life to fulfill before we finally got it right. Our decision to relocate together certainly hasn't been the most popular or supported decision. It wasn't always met with congratulatory remarks, hugs, and cheers. For some time, our road to here seemed to be more definitive than the place we are standing today. However, we are grounded by faith and humbled by grace. I trust that God has given me a man who upholds me to more value than I often give myself. I trust that my mistakes are forgiven, and that I am given a fresh start every day I choose to take it. So, we consider ourselves blessed to be given another opportunity!

In the midst of exciting (and at times terrifying) changes, I'll admit to continuing to have the occasional pity-party for myself, complete with ice-cream and Grey's Anatomy reruns. Physical and health limitations are perhaps no more apparent than during a heat-wave in a large city full of summer activities. Thankfully, my wonderful boyfriend is happy to give up an outdoor concert or a week at the beach for board games, movie theaters, and air-conditioned buildings. While I am a bit nervous to leave the amazing medical team that has been with me for the past six months, I am sure that I am much more well-equipped to advocate for myself and my healthcare needs. I continue to be thankful for the healing process that has already taken place and for the unconditional support I have received from family and friends. Speaking of family, one of my greatest blessings will perhaps be that I will be within a short driving distance of several of my sweet family members. Life just tastes a little bit sweeter when you can hop in the car to celebrate a birthday, be home for a holiday, or simply for no reason at all. 

To my fellow blog readers, wishing you peace in times of transition, faith in moments of doubt, and the courage to be a little bit selfish and prioritize the care of yourself. I pray that you find confidence and peace in your decisions, even when unpopular, and that you allow yourself a fresh start. Thank you to those of you who continue to support me on this journey, with all of it's twists and turns and unexpected bumps in the road. Perhaps the Beatles said it best: "There are places I remember all my life, though some have changed. Some forever, not for better, some have gone and some remain." Blessings to all you love in this world!

All Over Again

My apologies for my delay in regular postings! Returning to a semi-normal work schedule takes much of my energy for the day and the summer has had a busy start. I celebrated a birthday last week and was able to spend some time at the beach with my childhood best friend and sweet grandparents. We also celebrated my grandparents' 57th wedding anniversary! While biased, I am fairly convinced that they are the sweetest and most devoted couple to grace this planet. It was so nice to celebrate a birthday after such a difficult past several months. I can't imagine anything better than sitting on the beach, talking to my best friend about life, work, families, love, and all things silly. I am quite sure that we were meant to be sisters in another lifetime as she truly seems to understand what I am feeling and thinking better than anyone. I continue to face some unique and challenging decisions in the coming months that I hope and pray will bring a renewed sense of peace and purpose, as well as increased physical health. While I tend to be the type of person who remains routined and hesitant to embrace change, the past year has allowed me to practice being a bit spontaneous and unconventional! One of my favorite new trends in the blogging world, especially for females, is mid-week confessions. Mid-week confessions allows those of us who tend to be lifelong perfectionists an opportunity to laugh at ourselves a little bit, embrace our "un-perfectness," and take comfort in the fact that so many others allow themselves to have imperfect moments in the midst of life's craziness. Here are a few of mine for this week: 


1. After many recommendations from my doctors to avoid chocolate as much as possible, I indulged in a mint-chocolate-chip brownie sundae with chocolate fudge at an ice cream parlor at the beach!
2. I chose to cancel my regular morning work-out routine so that I could watch a DVR'd recording of MTV's 16 and Pregnant. In my opinion, the show is an absolute train-wreck and wrong on so many levels, yet I'm addicted!
3. Every evening, when I eat dinner in the hospital cafeteria, I take one of the honey packets from the condiment station. I now have a stockpile in my cabinet for my evening snack which consists of a whole-wheat waffle with peanut butter and honey!
4. I screen ALL of my calls to my cell-phone.
5. I sent an e-mail thank you note for a birthday gift so that I didn't have to use up my ultra-cute stationary.


Well, there you have it! Feel free to share your own mid-week confessions so that I don't feel too terrible. I guess in the grand scheme of things, my mid-week confessions aren't too earth shattering and I will continue to embrace my "un-pefectness." I suppose if my grandparents can embrace each other's flaws for fifty-seven years, then I can learn to embrace my own. My sweet grandma whispered to my grandfather over a celebratory dinner of local crab cakes, "How fast the years have flown by...I'd do it all over again." I think that might have captured the dictionary definition of love right there. Wishing for my blog followers experiences in life that are so powerful and special, you'd be willing to do them all over again, even if it wasn't perfect. Blessings to all you love in this world!

In Other Words

I recently read a brilliant magazine article that asked various actors, writers, and people of importance to write letters to their younger selves, perhaps as teenagers or college students, and to identify a thing or two I wish I knew. Here are a few I found inspiring: 


Dear Shirley, 
Regardless of how outrageous it may seem, ask for guidance from your higher self and follow it. Also, don't eat so much sugar.
-Shirley Maclaine, 78


Dear Whoopi,
Stay out of your own way.
-Whoopi Goldberg, 56


Dear Michael,
When the time comes to chase your dreams, and it will, they same seem elusive; but know you won't catch them all at once. Just one challenge at a time. When success comes, and it will, don't gobble it up; savor and share it, and it will last. When love comes, and it will, don't bury it in expectation and projection; be prepared to fall in love all over again every day. When the unexpected and inconceivable intrudes on life, and it will, deal with life's actual events; don't obsess about perceived eventualities. Relax-enjoy the ride.
-Michael J. Fox, 50
Is that powerful, or what?


So, in keeping with the theme of becoming wise beyond your years, although I hardly consider myself a source of wisdom and strength, I thought I would pen a few words to my younger self.


To Young Michelle,
Simply stated, savor moments. Savor and relish in every moment of the day that you are blessed with energy and good health. Take days that you are feeling good to spend time with family, laugh with friends, and travel to new places. Do not assume that everyone has a hidden agenda or tricks up their sleeve. Allow yourself to trust those who put their trust in you. Be willing to share your thoughts, feelings, dreams, hopes, and fears with someone who is willing to take the time to listen. Allow yourself to fall in love and dream of the future. Remind yourself every single day that straight A's and excellence in the classroom do not define you as a person or the success that you will achieve. Your past does not define your future or who are meant to become. Even when it seems as though life is telling you, "You can't!," remember that you can, and you will. Spend time with your younger brother, just the two of you, and laugh at his jokes. You will actually miss him when he goes away to college and begins to build his own life. Don't roll your eyes when your Mom offers you some advice or words of wisdom. She does actually know what she's talking about. She has been where you are, and you will become more like her every year to follow. Eat dinner with your family every night. When you move away, you will experience a strange physical ache on nights when you eat alone. Hug, play with, and relish the time you spend with healthy children in your life. Allow them to make messes, eat ice cream for dinner, and stay up late. You will meet so many children on your path that long for those simple pleasures that illness or tragedy has taken from them. Finally, never punish yourself for imperfection. Don't apologize for your flaws and insecurities, embrace them. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, rather than those whose hurtful words weigh you down. When you stop looking for perfection in others, you will stop seeking it for yourself. Savor every moment, even the imperfect ones. 
-Michelle C., 26


To my blog followers, wishing you many perfect and imperfect moments this week. Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers as I navigate unfamiliar territory, battle frustrations, and pray for guidance. Be good to those around you, especially those you work with on a daily basis. Continue to build them up, as you would a close friend or family member. Find inspiration in the mundane. Blessings to all you love in this world!

Feels Like Home to Me

I had a wonderful and refreshing trip home to sunny South Carolina and relished being able to spend precious time with my sweet family. I thought I would give you a glimpse of this amazing group of people that I am blessed to be related to. In the midst of frustration, struggle, and heartache, I couldn't be more grounded by those who provide unconditional love, a shoulder to cry on, and a listening ear. 

My sweet brother and sister-in-law.

The baby-savers!

Sweet Poppy.

Like mother, like daughter.

So special to have my grandparents with me on Easter Sunday.

A sweet new friend's very first Easter.

Love, love, love this little boy!

An Easter surprise for Nicholas.

Tiger Woods was pretty tuckered out from all the festivities.

To my fellow blog followers: Wishing you all opportunities to spend time with family, near or far, and continued chances to count your blessings. Remember to hug and be thankful for the healthy children in your lives, even those who are not your own. Happy Spring and blessings to all you love in this world!

Three Minutes

Despite my current and regrettably prolonged single status, I do have one special guy in my life who brings me incredible joy. Tall, dark, handsome, and Prince Charming? Not quite. However, my six-year-old cousin Nicholas has just learned to read his first "big kid" book, is proud of himself for learning to recite the 23rd psalm at school, loves to help his Nanny by taking out the garbage, checking the mail, and picking up sticks in the yard, and for the past two weeks has been determined to catch a bumble bee to keep in his bug jar. While I'm not sure how that bee-catching experiment will quite work out, my little buddy, who has called me "Shell" since the day he could talk, tugs on my heart-strings more times than I can count and is a skinned-knee, brown-haired reminder of how resilient children are, how well they can adapt to change, and if we let them, can provide us with some of life's greatest lessons. I can honestly say that I love that little guy more than I ever thought possible, and I definitely think he's helping me to fine-tune those "Mommy" instincts for some of my own little ones down the road (and I do mean WAY down the road).


Nicholas absolutely loves to go to school. He is quite convinced that Kindergarten was made especially for him as was recess. However, due to an ADHD diagnosis  and not quite having yet grasped the concept of an "inside voice," school poses it's own unique challenges. He has a wonderful teacher who is helping him and all the other little boys in his classroom navigate the rules and etiquette of Kindergarten. This past week, this particular teacher, who I'm quite sure must have a halo and the patience of a saint, became particularly exasperated when Nicholas continued to interrupt each lesson of the day to provide his own unique commentary on the subject. After several reminders to raise his hand with questions, and even a stern warning or two, at her wit's end, she asked Nicholas if HE would like to teach the class since he seemed so interested in being a part of the lecturing process. Little did she know, this idea thrilled him and would be perhaps his greatest achievement to date! So, this kind teacher obliged, telling Nicholas that every morning, he would be given three minutes to conduct the class. In three minutes, he could speak to the class on whatever subject he chose, but had to do so standing tall and with fingers out of his mouth (and nose), and had to ensure that all the children seated in a circle on the rug were listening. So, the next morning, Nicholas marches up to the front of the room, folds his hands neatly in front of him and tells the class the story of getting a hair-cut the day before, sparing no detail, including the fact that this was only his second trip to a barbershop, as he was certainly too old to be getting his hair cut at an establishment that had a playroom and provided lollipops. He also recounts how the barber told him that just that morning, he had cut his grandfather's hair in that very same chair. Nicholas looks down on the floor to the curls of dark brown hair still to be swept from the previous customer and informs the barber that his grandfather must not have sat in this chair, because his hair is white, like cottonballs! Surprisingly, so I'm told, the class sat at attention, and Nicholas reminded them all to raise their hands if they wanted to ask questions. For an entire week, Nicholas was given three minutes in front of his class, and he was sure to remind his teacher if she forgot! Now, will this prevent him from interrupting every morning or getting up out of his seat without asking permission to do so? Probably not. I can tell you though, that I have never heard a six-year-old sound so proud of himself and I'm quite sure his self-esteem took a boost.


This week, I have been surrounded with a lot of negative talk, thankfully not directly relating to me, but affecting me nonetheless. It seems to be everywhere, from Facebook to the grocery store to my place of employment. I wonder, if we all had to get our point across in three minutes or less, could we do it without the added negativity? Can we boost our own self-esteem without the added cost of speaking poorly about someone else? Can we take pride in our own thoughts and actions without being so quick and rash to judge someone who chooses to take a different path? I will be the first one to say that I am guilty of joining in a conversation focused on judging the actions of someone else or speaking negatively about a situation. I can think of several instances in the past week when I have engaged in the behavior that is so disturbing to me when I see it in others. It's so much easier to pretend that we are not the ones who cause negativity when we see others engage in it. So, for now, I am choosing to be mindful of the conversations I engage in, and the quick judgments I pass on others. Working in the field that I do, I have been trained to not pass judgment on patients and families, but human nature encourages our thoughts to be judgmental even when our words are not. I would be hurt, offended, and dismayed to find that someone was judging or speaking negatively of my thoughts, words, and actions. I suppose that we cannot judge other's paths, even if we think we ourselves have walked that path.


To my blog followers, I wish for you this week to find opportunities in where you can boost the self-esteem of others, in three minutes or less! I hope that you can be mindful of the things you speak and the phrases you type, especially on Facebook where it is accessible and potentially hurtful to so many others. I wish for you opportunities to reframe your thought process about something once viewed as completely negative. Perhaps that is one thing that six months of chronic illness has taught me, no matter how bleak the circumstances are and no matter how long the list of negatives are, somewhere there IS a chance to reframe your perspective and experience personal growth, even if it takes a little digging. I can honestly say that my perspective on certain things in this life has taken a complete turn-around in the last six months due to my own circumstances and things I have witnessed in others. I do believe that we have a choice how we make each day, and for now, I'm going to try to follow the example of a child who, despite more obstacles than most his age, wakes up each morning excited for what the day has to offer and finds joy in things most of us would see as only mundane. Blessings to all you love in this world, and for those of you with healthy children in your life, give more hugs than you think you need to and fill your life with their joy!