Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Remember Man That You Are Dust

It's so hard to believe that this past week was the start of Lent! I feel like it was just yesterday that we were celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas. It seems strange to me what a whirlwind my life has been in the past few months. While it is certainly not what I would choose right now, I continue to strive to make the best of each day and to plan for the future. I ask for your thoughts and prayers in the coming weeks as I attempt to transition back to working part-time and make some very important decisions about what the rest of 2012 holds for me both personally and professionally. I've been lucky to find some really great inspirational books that have offered some guidance during this difficult time. I have always been an avid reader and able to very easily relate to things I read in a book. When I was in high-school, I told my Mom that I could learn to drive much easier if I was given an instruction manual and an empty parking lot! Who needs a parent in the front seat? I taught myself how to play the piano and french-braid hair from a book, so why couldn't all my major life lessons be learned from a book? I suppose I can say that I have worked much harder in the past several years to develop my so-called "street smarts," especially after moving hundreds of miles away from my family to a large city! I still continue to find great insight from things I read, especially one particular devotional book that encourages you not to worry about the strength to endure the coming days, weeks, months or years. God will give you the strength and grace sufficient for one day to overcome challenges and to be grateful for the blessings you receive. Each day is a clean slate, a new opportunity to endure, and again, provided with sustaining grace and the relief that you can let go of the insecurities and fears that may stem from thinking past today. Something to consider!


Lent and the Easter season are probably one of my most favorite times of the year, not only spiritually, but personally as well. Maybe it is due to the fact that it coincides with warmer weather, longer days, increased sunshine, and planning for the summer. I used to always try and give up something for Lent as was taught to me very early on in my Catholic education. I have run the gamut of sacrifices including chocolate, candy, gum, soda, soap operas, Facebook, you name it. In the past several years, I have taken a different approach, and tried to do something extra every day as well as attempt to change my perception or way of thinking, especially related to the way I interact with friends, co-workers, and family members. I like having a specific goal to focus on for each day, one that I feel will ultimately bring me closer to God, but also in the end will hopefully help to make me a kinder and gentler person. I hope that this season of Lent, or Spring for my non-religious friends, helps to bring you a renewed sense of purpose, direction, and peace. And for those of my friends who are giving up chocolate and Facebook, I hope Easter rewards you with a giant edible bunny and 150 Facebook notifications!


Another sign of the Spring has been the return of a certain family of geese to my apartment complex. I have no idea where they travel from, as to my knowledge there is not a body of water anywhere in the vicinity of my suburban neighborhood! The geese usually show up in late January, and tend to congregate in several of the grassy areas, sometimes meandering their way towards the playground. Their presence is usually strongly felt by the trail of geese "droppings" they so graciously leave along the walking paths. Last Spring, we welcomed about six little goslings to the complex, sweet little furry things who obediently formed a line and marched their way up the hill to a quieter area. It reminds me of small children in daycare who go on field trips all holding on to one rope! As much as I am fascinated by the geese family, I do not enjoy getting physically close to them. For some reason, I have always been a little unnerved by large geese. I have a vague memory of being chased by one as a child, but that might not be accurate. As I discovered, they appear much more angry looking up close and personal! For now, I'll settle for watching them from the safety of my own car. 


To my blog followers, I hope that you experience your own sighting of signs of Spring this week, and take advantage of slightly warmer and longer days. Thank you for continuing to follow me on this journey. I struggle many days with feeling very isolated from those around me, and on my worst days, quite certain that no one will ever understand the frustration I am feeling or what it is like to be me. On my better days, I continue to be very blessed and humbled by those friends and family members who have provided me with unconditional support and encouragement. I am so thankful for the opportunities I have been given, to be in a position to receive excellent medical care, and to have a select few people who have become my surrogate "family" on days when it seems impossible to continue to be so far away from my own. Be kind, speak gently, and blessings to all you love in this world!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

To the Moon and Back

This week began with another goodbye, as our family mourns the loss of my sweet great Uncle John, one of the most intelligent, kind, and humble souls to grace this Earth I'm quite sure. Uncle John spent his life devoted to teaching, primarily English, and could always be counted on for a very serious discussion delving into the required college reading list, the structure of my college contemporary literature class, and what books I was reading for pleasure. He was quick to suggest new authors and titles, and celebrated my graduation from college with memorable words of encouragement and a book from an obscure French author. Despite the fact that we didn't get to see him very often, separated by many states, I remember how proud he was of me and my brother for all of our accomplishments, even when we weren't sure ourselves how valuable our college degree was, or the purpose in taking college classes unrelated to our major. Uncle John, how I will miss your sweet smile and warm conversations at our family gatherings. I'll think of you in the bookstore when I glance at titles from unfamiliar authors and when I'm enjoying a quiet afternoon with a favorite novel. We love you to the moon and back!So, in honor of gentle Uncle John, I thought I would share some of my favorite book titles, and what is gracing my bookshelves right now. 


What I'm Currently Reading: Good Grief (Lolly Winston), a fantastic fiction novel about a young woman's journey through a year following her husband's unexpected death from cancer. It is a great mix of dark humor and certainly doesn't sugarcoat the grief process. 
What's Up Next: The Catholic Girl's Survival Guide for the Single Years: The Nuts and Bolts of Staying Sane and Happy While Waiting for Mr. Right (Emily Stimpson) I came across this book while looking for a devotional read on Amazon. From what I can tell, this will be a light but ultimately truthful read, with realistic suggestions on how to incorporate and maintain your faith in areas such as dating, friendships, finances, family relationships, and work. Love the title! 
Favorite Children's Book: Love You Forever (Robert Munsch) This is by far the sweetest book and would be a great gift for a new Mom, especially welcoming a baby boy. I am not ashamed to admit that I get teary almost every time I read it. Seriously, it's precious!
Inspirational: Heaven is for Real (Todd Burpo) Regardless of your position or view on out-of-body experiences, it is difficult not to be drawn into this story of a young boy's experience of heaven during a life-threatening illness and his family's response. A #1 New York Times Bestseller, I read it cover to cover. 
Got Me Thinking: Why Forgive? (Johann Christopher Arnold) An extremely powerful book filled with stories of individuals who in every right, should never be able to forgive those who wronged them, but who choose to do so, even under terrible circumstances. It will make you think twice about your interactions with your friends, family members, and co-workers, and about choosing forgiveness, even when it seems difficult or impossible. 
Professional Resource: The Other End of the Stethoscope: 33 Insights for Excellent Patient Care (Marcus Engel) I first heard Marcus Engel's story at my alma mater university several years ago. Marcus experienced life-threatening injuries, including blindness, following an accident involving a drunk driver. This book is an absolute must-read for anyone who works in the healthcare setting and is a very raw, no-holds-barred look at the patient's perspective. 
Best Textbook I Didn't Sell Back: Meeting Children's Psychosocial Needs Across the Health-Care Continuum (Rollings, Bolig, & Mahan). I am so glad that I kept this book as it is literally the "Child Life bible" and is by far one of the best resources I have for my job. It provides very concrete and detailed information about supporting patients and families ranging from premature infants in the NICU to patients nearing end-of-life. A must-read for anyone who works with children in the hospital setting. 


Please share with me some of your own favorite titles, as I am always looking for a unique read. I have been doing quite a bit of reading at home these days, and am thankful to have several friends who seem to accumulate a library sized collection of used books that they are happy to pass my way. 


To my blog followers this week, I wish for you the opportunity to be inspired and moved by something you read, and to take comfort in the words of others. Please take the opportunity to examine your priorities in life and to be reminded of the importance of the relationships with those you love. If you know someone experiencing a loss or a difficult crisis, please know that it is not the number of casseroles, elaborateness of a sympathy card, or the "right" words that matter. Simply knowing that someone took time out of their day to call, text, or send an e-mail can be a huge source of comfort and a reminder that even though you may not know what to say or how to say it, you assure that person that they are not alone or forgotten. If all else fails, send chocolate! Until next time, blessings to all you love in this world, and to the moon and back.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The Greatest Love of All

Happy Valentine's Day to my faithful blog followers! I hope this day finds you celebrating with your significant other or at least surrounding yourselves with those you love and perhaps large quantities of dark chocolate. In one particularly telling episode of Sex and the City, we learn that each woman can expect to have three great loves in their lifetime. Three! I think I'll settle for just one if that's alright. Three great loves must mean two incredible heartbreaks, a part of the story that I'd rather skip. I think on Valentine's Day, I'll pretend that my fairy-tale ending is right around the corner, that Prince Charming has just been waiting for the exact moment to make himself known! And until then, I'll settle for a romantic comedy and an extra-large box of chocolates.

Despite the magic of today for many, the past week has been filled with loss both close to home and much farther away. First, Whitney Houston, the singer whose music brings my senses immediately back to a dance studio, slightly out-of-style leg warmers, and the period of approximately one year where I insisted that white ballet shoes instead of the traditional pink were necessary to maintain my social status and to avoid ruining my life forever. Most of my former roommates can attest to the fact that Whitney Houston was the soundtrack to research papers, midterms, and many unofficial study breaks. I am also a not so acclaimed car and shower singer, which Whitney Houston lent herself too quite well. So, for today, her iconic voice remains on my playlist, the Bodyguard as one of the best classically romantic films, and her music forever tied to memories. From a different part of the world, the town of Clemson lost not only their mayor and leader, but an influential and inspirational man, Larry Abernathy. I have more memories of Larry as a child, as he was a co-worker and close friend to my Mom. A trip to my Mom's office always meant a great big bear hug from Larry and often included a piece of candy or some type of treat for my brother and I. Many years later, as a Clemson student, if I happened to run into Larry on campus, I could still expect the same bear hug, and a reminder of how much I looked like my Mom. Clemson will never be able to replace him but will forever be changed by his work and passion for the community.

And finally, the loss of my dear "Unck," a great-great-uncle by name, but so much more in spirit. In the past year, I developed a friendship with Unck after moving to an area that was much closer to him. It transcended the letters and phone calls that had primarily comprised our relationship up to that point. He was homebound in the last few years of his life, relying on oxygen, but relishing in the opportunities to "putter" around as he jokingly put it, fixing vacuum cleaner parts on the kitchen table, sending cards, reading the paper cover to cover each day, and enjoying daily visits from neighbors and a hand-delivered lunch from the elementary school cafeteria across the street. He admitted that the pizza left much to be desired and needed to be cooked longer, but the fruit and jello received rave reviews! A decorated war hero, earning both a Purple Heart and Silver star, Unck preferred to decorate his mantel with pictures of all of his relatives, perhaps thinking of them as his "children" as he never married or had children of his own, although is likely rejoicing today in reuniting with his dear lady-friend Jane. When he knew you would be visiting, your photo would be moved to the center of the mantel or another equally visible place. Our visits were special and he had me into a full-blown belly laugh before I even sat down, giving me the "low-down" on the family news, telling me a story about my grandmother from the good-old days, and always worrying about my drive to work and what I ate in the middle of my shift. And by the way, he'd ask, do you think you could find that lemon poundcake that you brought last time? How about some sugar-free jello? My sweet Unck, how I will miss your phone calls and our visits, always calling me "the little girl," as I was fairly certain sometimes it was hard for you to remember my name, and always reminding me how special my grandmother was just in case I had forgotten. Each visit ended with a kiss to the top of your head and you telling me to watch out for traffic "going over that damn bridge!" You were so loved by everyone who knew you, an example of what living life to the fullest really means. While I wish I had more time with you, I'm so grateful we built our own special friendship. Until we meet again, I love you to the moon and back!

To my blog followers, yet many more reminders this week of how important it is to cherish time spent with family and friends, however short that time may be. Every single night before bed, Unck picked up the phone to call his brother. Every single night, even in times of illness and tragedy. I hope that you will seek out regular connections to those you love, even if they are far away. Grief is a funny thing, often challenging and taunting you to think of the things you didn't do or say, rather than giving yourself permission to remember and smile. For those of you who have lost loved ones, I hope you give yourself permission to smile, and allow yourself to be flooded with warm memories. So, to quote Whitney, "And when melodies are gone, I look to you." Blessings to all you love in this world!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The Magic of Ordinary Days

In my never-ending quest for evening entertainment, I stumbled across a made for TV movie on the Hallmark Channel called The Magic of Ordinary Days. I seem to be drawn to these sappy, low-budget, and sometimes painfully cheesy movies. I am also a well known fanatic of Lifetime. I am fairly certain that one thing I will require in a spouse is their ability to tolerate Lifetime television. This particular movie starred Keri Russell, who I love! Anyone else remember the days of Felicity? I was sure that I was going to be just like Felicity when I went to college, minus chronicling my daily events on a tape recorder. For a brief period, I desperately envied her curly hair and the wardrobe that I assumed must be necessary to meet cute college boys. Even Keri Russell can't disappoint in a cheesy movie dressed as a woman living on the prairie in the 1940's. I was struck more by the movie's title, the magic of ordinary days. I can say that I have struggled this past week to find magic in days that while ordinary, have been trying.

I received some discouraging news related to my health this week that will impact my future and may force me to make some very difficult decisions related to my current career. Thankfully, my medical condition is not life threatening and I am able to continue doing the things that I feel well enough to do. For that, I am eternally grateful as I know so many who can't say the same. However, I must tell you that I am saddened by the fact that my life will be altered to some extent, and may play out in a way that I had not expected. But isn't that the way life goes? Shouldn't I just pick myself up by my bootstraps, put a smile on my face, and count the many blessings that still do exist? Don't I teach patients and families to focus on the positive and overcome the negative? Why should I be allowed to have a pity party for myself? I can't decide if it's a blessing or a curse to be a healthcare professional facing chronic illness. I know all of the medical lingo, I'm familiar with most of the medications prescribed, and I especially understand the meaning behind a doctor's sympathetic smile followed by a cheerful, "Let's just see how you do!" On the other hand, I know the ramifications of a chronic health condition and the toll it can take on a patient, their family, friends, and co-workers. I watch those emotions play out every time I walk through the doors of a hospital. I thought I was supposed to be the teacher, the leader, the example of hope and positive coping?

I suppose this week, I'm in a sense saddened by the loss of what could have been, a very different conversation with an exact remedy, a bandage or a prescription. I'm saddened by the possibility that I won't be able to continue doing what it is I believe that I was put on this earth to do. I'm saddened that my reality and perception of what my future holds may have to be altered. I'm saddened that my future holds many more conversations with doctors. Despite the sadness which I'm sure will fade with time, I will choose to find magic in ordinary days. However difficult it may be, and however many times I need to remind myself, I will choose to believe that the plan for my life is far greater than what I have imagined for myself. I will continue to choose to do the things I love to do, even if they have to be modified. I will also choose to never allow myself or my life to be defined by test results, labwork, and prescriptions. I will choose to find meaning in wherever my life takes me. I will also choose to take life one day at a time, and to maintain hope that I can find joy in a path different than one I had imagined. And when I return to work, in whatever capacity, I will choose to have a deeper understanding and connection to my patients.

One of the highlights of my week was being able to book a flight home for Easter! I can hardly wait to be at home surrounded by my family members and bask in the SC weather, which I'm sure by then will feel like July. I also love Easter baskets, which still remains an upheld tradition in our household. There's not much better than a bakset full of sugar first thing in the morning. Even better, I had finally earned enough miles through my airline reward travel program to warrant a FREE round-trip flight! For those of you who know me well, saving money and coupons make my heart sing. I won't coupon to the extreme, no binders basements full of stockpiles of dish soap, but I am a bargain hunter. Getting an absolutely free round-trip ticket is the bargain hunter's jackpot. I'm also pretty sure that this bumps me from being in the very last boarding zone at the airport. So, thank you airline company, for allowing me to save the money I would have spent on a trip home and use it for a mini-vacation. I think the final verdict will be St. Louis sometime this summer. I have some family and friends in the area and it seems like there is a lot to do. I think an escape is just what I need!

To my blog followers: For this week, I challenge you to find the magic in an ordinary day. I hope that even on an ordinary day, you are fulfilled with what you do and the people you share your life with. If you are a religious or spiritual person, I hope that you find moments in the day to pray or reflect. If not, I hope you find peace in doing ordinary things. I also hope that you never take for granted your ability to do those ordinary things, even when they become tedious, challenging, and frustrating. Enjoy the unseasonably beautiful Spring weather and extra daylight that has lifted my spirit this week! Borrowed from someone who turned the ordinary into extraordinary, "Blessings to all you love in this world."