Something About a Southern Girl

Just checking in to let all my followers know, that I am indeed settled in the beautiful South, and remembering what it feels like to be "home again." The transition was not without it's challenges, tears, and questions. There continue to be days where my heart aches just a bit for the job, friends, and life I left behind. However, I continue to find new opportunities for my heart to be filled, including a wonderful job that allows me the opportunity to create opportunities for patients and families, while allowing myself to prioritize my physical health. I have been blessed with feelings of renewed energy and strength, and increased peace in the daily adjustments my health still requires me to make. Thankfully, my new co-workers have welcomed me with open arms, and are eager to make me feel as if I've been part of their team for years, rather than months. My daily opportunities to advance programming, and utilize my previous experience to enhance patient services are numerous! My work life has completely changed, and I still need reminders to adjust my own way of thinking and communicating. For instance, one of my new tasks is working with children who are experiencing the illness or death of a loved one in an adult Intensive Care Unit. This is quite a role reversal from supporting parents of pediatric patients. I continue to be amazed and empowered by the strength of children and adolescents and their resiliency. How I wish I could bottle that for times when I am experiencing my own struggles!

Returning to the South, I have been able to visit my family more in the past several months than I did all of last year. I've been able to celebrate birthdays, out-of-town visits, and relaxing weekends at home. Sometimes I feel that I am a completely changed person after my experiences of the past two years. However, walking through the doors of a childhood home tends to ground me and remind myself of where I came from and where I draw most of my inner strength. My wonderful boyfriend also makes life in the South sweeter than before. We are enjoying time together, exploring what our small town has to offer, and envisioning our life together. We joined a church that is beautiful and welcoming, and makes every Sunday feel like home. We talk about what the future holds, about houses, families, and puppies, and continue to feel blessed that we have been given this opportunity to be together. 

To all of my friends, family members, and former co-workers in the path of Hurricane Sandy: Please be safe, think clearly, and follow the instructions given by city officials. To my hospital friends, thank you for the sacrifices you make during times like these to ensure that patient care is uninterrupted!

Finally, to share some of my new favorite ways for some daily smiles, check out the following links: 

http://dog-shaming.com/
I literally laugh out loud every single day, and I don't even own a dog. Seriously, your bad mood has no chance against these hilarious pups!

http://www.earthcam.com/usa/southcarolina/greenville/?cam=giraffe_int
This is an amazing live-feed of a baby giraffe born at a local zoo. I keep an eye on this little guy throughout the day and think that it is absolutely fascinating!

To my fellow blog followers: Wishing you physical safety this week, opportunities to provide support to others, and something that "grounds" you or reminds you of home. Blessings to all you love in this world!

There Are Places I Remember

My apologies for another delay in posting, which can only be excused by the multitude of life changing events that have occurred in the past several months! First and foremost, I will be leaving my current place of employment at the end of this month to return to the South and a new position. This was a decision filled with emotion, prayer, and months of careful consideration. Ultimately, I owe it to myself to take more than adequate care of my body physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I can say with certainty that my current position, while one of the most rewarding experiences I have had in my short professional career, can not uphold that standard. Six months ago, I might never have needed to ensure that my workplace could help me to maintain physical and emotional strength. However, after a dramatic change in health status, I have come to learn that making life adjustments is part of the territory, something that I am still learning how to effectively do, but getting lots of practice! While I am very confident in my decision to take a new professional journey, I will certainly leave a part of myself behind at an institution that exceeded any and all of my expectations of the path that pediatric healthcare should take. When I walk through those doors for the last time in several weeks, I will consider myself blessed for being given the opportunity to make an impact, however small, on patients and families. I will take with me every experience, from the heart-warming to the devastating, as I move forward. While I never anticipated needing to journey away from this place, I am sure that it will continue to have larger-than-life impacts on children for years to come.

As it turns out, I will have a partner on this new journey to the South. Several months ago, I reunited with someone who has been in my life and in my heart, in one form or another, for many years. After some much needed time to explore adulthood a little bit on our own, we have decided to continue this journey together. Despite a quite colorful history, beginning my sophomore year of college, and plenty of mistakes made along the way, I couldn't be more in love and confident that God has more perfect timing than we can imagine for ourselves. I have never been more at peace in knowing that he was right for me all along, and that we had other tasks in life to fulfill before we finally got it right. Our decision to relocate together certainly hasn't been the most popular or supported decision. It wasn't always met with congratulatory remarks, hugs, and cheers. For some time, our road to here seemed to be more definitive than the place we are standing today. However, we are grounded by faith and humbled by grace. I trust that God has given me a man who upholds me to more value than I often give myself. I trust that my mistakes are forgiven, and that I am given a fresh start every day I choose to take it. So, we consider ourselves blessed to be given another opportunity!

In the midst of exciting (and at times terrifying) changes, I'll admit to continuing to have the occasional pity-party for myself, complete with ice-cream and Grey's Anatomy reruns. Physical and health limitations are perhaps no more apparent than during a heat-wave in a large city full of summer activities. Thankfully, my wonderful boyfriend is happy to give up an outdoor concert or a week at the beach for board games, movie theaters, and air-conditioned buildings. While I am a bit nervous to leave the amazing medical team that has been with me for the past six months, I am sure that I am much more well-equipped to advocate for myself and my healthcare needs. I continue to be thankful for the healing process that has already taken place and for the unconditional support I have received from family and friends. Speaking of family, one of my greatest blessings will perhaps be that I will be within a short driving distance of several of my sweet family members. Life just tastes a little bit sweeter when you can hop in the car to celebrate a birthday, be home for a holiday, or simply for no reason at all. 

To my fellow blog readers, wishing you peace in times of transition, faith in moments of doubt, and the courage to be a little bit selfish and prioritize the care of yourself. I pray that you find confidence and peace in your decisions, even when unpopular, and that you allow yourself a fresh start. Thank you to those of you who continue to support me on this journey, with all of it's twists and turns and unexpected bumps in the road. Perhaps the Beatles said it best: "There are places I remember all my life, though some have changed. Some forever, not for better, some have gone and some remain." Blessings to all you love in this world!

All Over Again

My apologies for my delay in regular postings! Returning to a semi-normal work schedule takes much of my energy for the day and the summer has had a busy start. I celebrated a birthday last week and was able to spend some time at the beach with my childhood best friend and sweet grandparents. We also celebrated my grandparents' 57th wedding anniversary! While biased, I am fairly convinced that they are the sweetest and most devoted couple to grace this planet. It was so nice to celebrate a birthday after such a difficult past several months. I can't imagine anything better than sitting on the beach, talking to my best friend about life, work, families, love, and all things silly. I am quite sure that we were meant to be sisters in another lifetime as she truly seems to understand what I am feeling and thinking better than anyone. I continue to face some unique and challenging decisions in the coming months that I hope and pray will bring a renewed sense of peace and purpose, as well as increased physical health. While I tend to be the type of person who remains routined and hesitant to embrace change, the past year has allowed me to practice being a bit spontaneous and unconventional! One of my favorite new trends in the blogging world, especially for females, is mid-week confessions. Mid-week confessions allows those of us who tend to be lifelong perfectionists an opportunity to laugh at ourselves a little bit, embrace our "un-perfectness," and take comfort in the fact that so many others allow themselves to have imperfect moments in the midst of life's craziness. Here are a few of mine for this week: 


1. After many recommendations from my doctors to avoid chocolate as much as possible, I indulged in a mint-chocolate-chip brownie sundae with chocolate fudge at an ice cream parlor at the beach!
2. I chose to cancel my regular morning work-out routine so that I could watch a DVR'd recording of MTV's 16 and Pregnant. In my opinion, the show is an absolute train-wreck and wrong on so many levels, yet I'm addicted!
3. Every evening, when I eat dinner in the hospital cafeteria, I take one of the honey packets from the condiment station. I now have a stockpile in my cabinet for my evening snack which consists of a whole-wheat waffle with peanut butter and honey!
4. I screen ALL of my calls to my cell-phone.
5. I sent an e-mail thank you note for a birthday gift so that I didn't have to use up my ultra-cute stationary.


Well, there you have it! Feel free to share your own mid-week confessions so that I don't feel too terrible. I guess in the grand scheme of things, my mid-week confessions aren't too earth shattering and I will continue to embrace my "un-pefectness." I suppose if my grandparents can embrace each other's flaws for fifty-seven years, then I can learn to embrace my own. My sweet grandma whispered to my grandfather over a celebratory dinner of local crab cakes, "How fast the years have flown by...I'd do it all over again." I think that might have captured the dictionary definition of love right there. Wishing for my blog followers experiences in life that are so powerful and special, you'd be willing to do them all over again, even if it wasn't perfect. Blessings to all you love in this world!

In Other Words

I recently read a brilliant magazine article that asked various actors, writers, and people of importance to write letters to their younger selves, perhaps as teenagers or college students, and to identify a thing or two I wish I knew. Here are a few I found inspiring: 


Dear Shirley, 
Regardless of how outrageous it may seem, ask for guidance from your higher self and follow it. Also, don't eat so much sugar.
-Shirley Maclaine, 78


Dear Whoopi,
Stay out of your own way.
-Whoopi Goldberg, 56


Dear Michael,
When the time comes to chase your dreams, and it will, they same seem elusive; but know you won't catch them all at once. Just one challenge at a time. When success comes, and it will, don't gobble it up; savor and share it, and it will last. When love comes, and it will, don't bury it in expectation and projection; be prepared to fall in love all over again every day. When the unexpected and inconceivable intrudes on life, and it will, deal with life's actual events; don't obsess about perceived eventualities. Relax-enjoy the ride.
-Michael J. Fox, 50
Is that powerful, or what?


So, in keeping with the theme of becoming wise beyond your years, although I hardly consider myself a source of wisdom and strength, I thought I would pen a few words to my younger self.


To Young Michelle,
Simply stated, savor moments. Savor and relish in every moment of the day that you are blessed with energy and good health. Take days that you are feeling good to spend time with family, laugh with friends, and travel to new places. Do not assume that everyone has a hidden agenda or tricks up their sleeve. Allow yourself to trust those who put their trust in you. Be willing to share your thoughts, feelings, dreams, hopes, and fears with someone who is willing to take the time to listen. Allow yourself to fall in love and dream of the future. Remind yourself every single day that straight A's and excellence in the classroom do not define you as a person or the success that you will achieve. Your past does not define your future or who are meant to become. Even when it seems as though life is telling you, "You can't!," remember that you can, and you will. Spend time with your younger brother, just the two of you, and laugh at his jokes. You will actually miss him when he goes away to college and begins to build his own life. Don't roll your eyes when your Mom offers you some advice or words of wisdom. She does actually know what she's talking about. She has been where you are, and you will become more like her every year to follow. Eat dinner with your family every night. When you move away, you will experience a strange physical ache on nights when you eat alone. Hug, play with, and relish the time you spend with healthy children in your life. Allow them to make messes, eat ice cream for dinner, and stay up late. You will meet so many children on your path that long for those simple pleasures that illness or tragedy has taken from them. Finally, never punish yourself for imperfection. Don't apologize for your flaws and insecurities, embrace them. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, rather than those whose hurtful words weigh you down. When you stop looking for perfection in others, you will stop seeking it for yourself. Savor every moment, even the imperfect ones. 
-Michelle C., 26


To my blog followers, wishing you many perfect and imperfect moments this week. Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers as I navigate unfamiliar territory, battle frustrations, and pray for guidance. Be good to those around you, especially those you work with on a daily basis. Continue to build them up, as you would a close friend or family member. Find inspiration in the mundane. Blessings to all you love in this world!

Feels Like Home to Me

I had a wonderful and refreshing trip home to sunny South Carolina and relished being able to spend precious time with my sweet family. I thought I would give you a glimpse of this amazing group of people that I am blessed to be related to. In the midst of frustration, struggle, and heartache, I couldn't be more grounded by those who provide unconditional love, a shoulder to cry on, and a listening ear. 

My sweet brother and sister-in-law.

The baby-savers!

Sweet Poppy.

Like mother, like daughter.

So special to have my grandparents with me on Easter Sunday.

A sweet new friend's very first Easter.

Love, love, love this little boy!

An Easter surprise for Nicholas.

Tiger Woods was pretty tuckered out from all the festivities.

To my fellow blog followers: Wishing you all opportunities to spend time with family, near or far, and continued chances to count your blessings. Remember to hug and be thankful for the healthy children in your lives, even those who are not your own. Happy Spring and blessings to all you love in this world!

Three Minutes

Despite my current and regrettably prolonged single status, I do have one special guy in my life who brings me incredible joy. Tall, dark, handsome, and Prince Charming? Not quite. However, my six-year-old cousin Nicholas has just learned to read his first "big kid" book, is proud of himself for learning to recite the 23rd psalm at school, loves to help his Nanny by taking out the garbage, checking the mail, and picking up sticks in the yard, and for the past two weeks has been determined to catch a bumble bee to keep in his bug jar. While I'm not sure how that bee-catching experiment will quite work out, my little buddy, who has called me "Shell" since the day he could talk, tugs on my heart-strings more times than I can count and is a skinned-knee, brown-haired reminder of how resilient children are, how well they can adapt to change, and if we let them, can provide us with some of life's greatest lessons. I can honestly say that I love that little guy more than I ever thought possible, and I definitely think he's helping me to fine-tune those "Mommy" instincts for some of my own little ones down the road (and I do mean WAY down the road).


Nicholas absolutely loves to go to school. He is quite convinced that Kindergarten was made especially for him as was recess. However, due to an ADHD diagnosis  and not quite having yet grasped the concept of an "inside voice," school poses it's own unique challenges. He has a wonderful teacher who is helping him and all the other little boys in his classroom navigate the rules and etiquette of Kindergarten. This past week, this particular teacher, who I'm quite sure must have a halo and the patience of a saint, became particularly exasperated when Nicholas continued to interrupt each lesson of the day to provide his own unique commentary on the subject. After several reminders to raise his hand with questions, and even a stern warning or two, at her wit's end, she asked Nicholas if HE would like to teach the class since he seemed so interested in being a part of the lecturing process. Little did she know, this idea thrilled him and would be perhaps his greatest achievement to date! So, this kind teacher obliged, telling Nicholas that every morning, he would be given three minutes to conduct the class. In three minutes, he could speak to the class on whatever subject he chose, but had to do so standing tall and with fingers out of his mouth (and nose), and had to ensure that all the children seated in a circle on the rug were listening. So, the next morning, Nicholas marches up to the front of the room, folds his hands neatly in front of him and tells the class the story of getting a hair-cut the day before, sparing no detail, including the fact that this was only his second trip to a barbershop, as he was certainly too old to be getting his hair cut at an establishment that had a playroom and provided lollipops. He also recounts how the barber told him that just that morning, he had cut his grandfather's hair in that very same chair. Nicholas looks down on the floor to the curls of dark brown hair still to be swept from the previous customer and informs the barber that his grandfather must not have sat in this chair, because his hair is white, like cottonballs! Surprisingly, so I'm told, the class sat at attention, and Nicholas reminded them all to raise their hands if they wanted to ask questions. For an entire week, Nicholas was given three minutes in front of his class, and he was sure to remind his teacher if she forgot! Now, will this prevent him from interrupting every morning or getting up out of his seat without asking permission to do so? Probably not. I can tell you though, that I have never heard a six-year-old sound so proud of himself and I'm quite sure his self-esteem took a boost.


This week, I have been surrounded with a lot of negative talk, thankfully not directly relating to me, but affecting me nonetheless. It seems to be everywhere, from Facebook to the grocery store to my place of employment. I wonder, if we all had to get our point across in three minutes or less, could we do it without the added negativity? Can we boost our own self-esteem without the added cost of speaking poorly about someone else? Can we take pride in our own thoughts and actions without being so quick and rash to judge someone who chooses to take a different path? I will be the first one to say that I am guilty of joining in a conversation focused on judging the actions of someone else or speaking negatively about a situation. I can think of several instances in the past week when I have engaged in the behavior that is so disturbing to me when I see it in others. It's so much easier to pretend that we are not the ones who cause negativity when we see others engage in it. So, for now, I am choosing to be mindful of the conversations I engage in, and the quick judgments I pass on others. Working in the field that I do, I have been trained to not pass judgment on patients and families, but human nature encourages our thoughts to be judgmental even when our words are not. I would be hurt, offended, and dismayed to find that someone was judging or speaking negatively of my thoughts, words, and actions. I suppose that we cannot judge other's paths, even if we think we ourselves have walked that path.


To my blog followers, I wish for you this week to find opportunities in where you can boost the self-esteem of others, in three minutes or less! I hope that you can be mindful of the things you speak and the phrases you type, especially on Facebook where it is accessible and potentially hurtful to so many others. I wish for you opportunities to reframe your thought process about something once viewed as completely negative. Perhaps that is one thing that six months of chronic illness has taught me, no matter how bleak the circumstances are and no matter how long the list of negatives are, somewhere there IS a chance to reframe your perspective and experience personal growth, even if it takes a little digging. I can honestly say that my perspective on certain things in this life has taken a complete turn-around in the last six months due to my own circumstances and things I have witnessed in others. I do believe that we have a choice how we make each day, and for now, I'm going to try to follow the example of a child who, despite more obstacles than most his age, wakes up each morning excited for what the day has to offer and finds joy in things most of us would see as only mundane. Blessings to all you love in this world, and for those of you with healthy children in your life, give more hugs than you think you need to and fill your life with their joy!

Slow to Anger, Rich in Kindness

I have never been one to think of myself as an angry person. I don't yell, scream, throw things, punch my fist through a wall, or curse. However, I probably had many meltdowns during my early hormonal teenage years that my mother could attest involved some of the above activities. I do remember being quite argumentative and practicing my excellent public speaking and debate skills on my friends and family members, and always wanting to be right. Ok, who doesn't love being right now and again? After having moved into a large city, I have come across many people doing everyday activities that get red-in-the-face, foot stomping, dropping the F-bomb mad! I would say that most of these individuals are probably driving the city streets or attempting to get around a stalled car in a traffic jam. I do, however, readily admit, that at times I can be easily irritated! There are certain things in life, that regardless of their mundane and irrational nature, grate on my nerves like chalk on a blackboard. For instance, why must one talk on their cellphone when walking very slowly through a crowded store, making it impossible for anyone to pass them? Irritating? Of course. Important in the grand scheme of the universe? Surely not. Here's another one. If you are a cashier at a drugstore, I generally find it quite irritating if you wipe your nose with your hand prior to reaching into the register to dispense my change. Nerve grating for someone who washes their hands like it's going out of style and a little bit gross? Sure. Worth me flying into a rage and demanding to speak to the manager? Probably not. Just when I thought that everyone in the world must have it on their personal agenda to annoy me, I had one of those moments at work this week. As Oprah would call it, I experienced a God-wink, or an "aha" experience that I just had to share. 


I would say that this particular shift was a rather typical evening, refer to the last post for what that entails! I noticed on our electronic census that a patient had come into the Emergency Department who I was familiar with. This particular patient is well known to our hospital after having spent much of her life enduring surgical procedures and extended stay. I hadn't seen her in quite some time, and was anxious to see how she was doing. I brought her what I knew were two of her favorite items to help her through a hospital stay: Play-doh and a princess movie, turned up extra loud! One of the trade-offs for cutting edge treatment for a life-threatening illness for this patient is almost complete blindness. While she was delighted with the items I had brought her and an opportunity for us to play one of our favorite games in which she shapes something out of the Play-doh and I have to guess what it is (with my eyes closed of course), I noticed that the caregiver that was with her was, well, rip-roaring mad! I have to say with quite a bit of humility, that angry caregivers in the hospital are kind of my expertise. This is quite hilarious given that if someone close to me said anything mean or hurtful, I would probably cry like a school-girl. But, for whatever reason, when I'm in my work setting, I tend to be able to de-escalate situations and serve as the "mediator" if you will between parents and our medical staff. It's my job to flesh out the reasons behind the red-face and cursing, and try to help the angry caregivers and frustrated staff come to some kind of mutual understanding. And as tends to be the unspoken motto in the ER, when all else fails with a patient or the parent, call the Child Life Specialist!


Parents and caregivers who know the intricate workings of the hospital probably better than most staff do, are much more susceptible to increased frustration and anger when they are required to sit in an Emergency Department, and be questioned by an intern, two residents, and an attending physician about their child's lengthy medical history. On that particular night, this caregiver had valid reasons to be frustrated. The doctor who was overseeing the patient's care had valid reasons to be frustrated as well. After several conversations both inside the room and outside the room with myself, the caregiver, and two physicians, it didn't seem that we were meeting common ground. In fact, we weren't meeting common anything! With a heaping of dismay and frustration myself, I returned to the room once more with the caregiver to attempt to "make a deal" as a last resort. All of a sudden, in the midst of a particularly angry rant, I hear a familiar but out-of-place sound. A tiny little warrior in a printed hospital gown, waiting ever so patiently for my attention to her Play-Doh sculpture, had leaned forward so that she could hear the story that accompanied the princess movie I had provided for her, and had begun to giggle. A merciless, shoulder-shaking giggle on her tiny frame that sliced through the thick tension in the room. Her caregiver stopped in mid-sentence, our eyes met, and I'll be darned if a huge grin didn't cross their face! True story! In all of our attempts to find common ground, the caregiver, the physicians, and myself, had all ignored the common ground with her pink Play-doh sitting right there in that hospital bed. As I hugged her goodbye when I left that night, I squeezed her a little tighter, silently thanking her for giving us all the breather that we needed. Cheesy story? You bet, and I wouldn't change a single second of it!


So, to my blog followers, I hope that you all experience God-winks or "Aha" moments that make you question the importance of your anger or irritation with life. I think that there are times in life when anger is 100 percent justified and called for. However, I wish for you more times than not to be slow to anger and rich in kindness. I suppose I would rather be more defined by acts of kindness than by acts of anger. For me, I'll try not to let life's little irritations bother me so much, as I know I have greater things in life to focus on. Wishing you all chances to delight in gorgeous Spring weather this week, kind words to speak to others, kindness towards yourself, and blessings to all you love in this world!

Let the Children Come to Me

Since March is National Child Life Month, I thought I would take this opportunity to brag a little bit about my job and give you a day in the life of working in a large inner-city Emergency Department. I never thought that the ED environment would be right for me until I had the opportunity to spend some time working in a smaller unit during a graduate level internship. After the first few days, I was hooked! I love the fast-paced environment, the chance to see a variety of different patients, and the challenge. I think working in this environment actually helps me to disconnect from my job when I need to go home at the end of the day and remember that most children are healthy and uninjured. While I certainly get attached to certain patients, because I only see them for several hours, rather than spending several weeks with them, I have the ability to leave work at work, although that is sometimes easier said than done! I also think that is helpful in my current line of work that I don't have children. Finally, one perk of being single! It allows me to a bit more objective and fully support families. When I do become a parent, I have a feeling that I will either be the most informed or most neurotic mother after having witnessed so many injuries and illnesses. So, what exactly does a Child Life Specialist do? 


In simple terms, my number one and most important job is to help support patients and families while they navigate the unfamiliar and often frightening experience of coming into the Emergency Department. I provide developmentally appropriate play materials and opportunities to help patients pass the time during an extended wait, distraction for a variety of exams and medical procedures, teaching and education for any number of injuries, illnesses, treatments, and procedures, support for siblings, parents, and extended family members, referrals to hospital and community support services, as well as information related to being admitted to the hospital and the medical and support services that are available. I am a part of a trauma response team, and help a patient to understand what is happening when they are brought into our trauma bay due to the fact that they have a serious and sometimes life-threatening injury. Because I work at night at the hospital, I am also considered an on-call resource for any patient or family in the hospital who may have an urgent coping or procedural support need. Finally, I provide end-of-life support to families both in the Emergency Department and throughout the hospital that includes the creation of legacy items, sibling teaching and support, and providing family members with a variety of resources for grief and coping. Whew! I can without a doubt say that this job at this particular institution is the most challenging, rewarding, heartbreaking, but ultimately worthwhile position I have ever had the privilege of obtaining. Perhaps that's what makes my current situation with chronic illness so difficult in terms of my abilities to work a physically and emotionally demanding job! 


At the end of every shift, when I think to myself that I have "seen it all," I need only to walk back through the Emergency Room doors the next day. It is not uncommon for me in the course of a single shift to work with the family of a three day old infant in helping them to prepare the patient's sibling for an extended hospital stay, and then to spend time with a 26-year old oncology patient who continues to be treated for cancer at a children's hospital due to the fact that her prognosis is much better when she remains on a pediatric research protocol. However, I would say that the majority of my patients tend to be between the age of four and twelve years old. In any given night, I am responsible for a specific pod of patients, usually encompassing twelve to fifteen rooms, although our entire ED houses 80 pediatric beds. Within those fifteen rooms, I have seen extremely rare genetic diseases, life-threatening injuries, many cancer diagnoses, patients who have just arrived to the United States from halfway around the world to receive specialized treatment, horrific acts of violence against children, and run of the mill fevers, coughs, and colds. I have experienced families who welcome me into the hospital room with open arms and eager to assist their child in coping with this experience, as well as those who banish me from the room with shouting and cursing. I do not always feel appreciated, respected, or valued. However, at the end of the day, I always believe that I what I do has meaning and is as necessary to patients as IV medications, bloodwork, medical evaluations, and CT scans. 


To give you an inkling of what a typical day is like, here's an example of one hour of patient care last week. I provided support and distraction to a three-year-old boy who had swallowed his mother's wedding ring at home and was transferred from an another hospital for further evaluation. His impish grin and delight in throwing toys across the room entertained the physician who spoke with his mother and assured her that the ring would likely "pass" in the next several days. My next stop was the room of a fifteen-year-old boy who would be spending his first night in the hospital in our Cardiac Intensive Care Unit due to a life-threatening abnormality of his heart rhythm. He taught me about hockey, while I taught him about a procedure called a cardiac cath and asked his nurse to print out his EKG rhythm strip while we compared it to a photo of what a typical heart rate should look like. Two rooms down, I modeled positions of comfort to a frustrated mother of an infant who was having difficulty tolerating the oxygen mask needed to improve his breathing and soothe his croupy cough. When that same infant need an IV placed, I used a pacifier and a solution of sugar water to keep him calm, then allowed his mother to swaddle and hold him for the remainder of the procedure. Finally, I helped a terrified ten-year-old girl understand how it was impossible for her to wake up in the middle of the surgery necessary to remove her appendix. Together, we used a preparation book of pictures to identify each step of the process. She was wheeled off to the operating room chatting about the great dream she would have and clutching a brand new stuffed pig. 


I wish that every day could be a success. I wish that I never had to watch families endure terrible diagnoses, heartbreaking loss, and destructive grief. At the end of the day, I don't usually know the outcome of my patients, or where their journeys lead them when they are either discharged or admitted to the hospital. What I can be sure of, is that in some form or another, I will continue to do what I love and love what I do, even if that looks different than I had imagined even six months ago. To my blog followers, I hope that you are as blessed as I am, to have found your calling and true passion in what you do. I hope that you are appreciated, valued, and thanked frequently for the services you provide! If not, I hope you give yourself a pat on the back every so often. Speak kindly to those you work with, support them in their efforts, and blessings to all you love in this world!

It Is Well With My Soul

I can just feel Spring in the air! I am practically itching for warmer weather and longer days, and the return of capris and flip-flops. As a Southern girl at heart, I still can't quite get used to freezing cold weather in March! Sunny days can certainly be a tease in this part of the country, with strong winds and bitterly cold temperatures. I began to slowly transition back to work last week and continue to work only part-time this week. Despite the immense toll it takes on my body and the physical challenges to having to adjust to being on my feet again, I can certainly say that sweet little toddlers, even when they are sniffly, coughing, running fevers, and probably oozing contagious illnesses, tend to warm the heart and lift the spirit. Isn't it funny how some young children can be very sick, sick enough to warrant a trip to the Emergency Department, and yet still smile, laugh, and want to play with a large assortment of toys? At the hospital I work at, each individual room in the Emergency Department is closed in with a sliding glass door. One of my favorite ways to introduce myself to a perhaps somewhat shy little patient is to kneel down in the front of the door, knock on it, peek out from behind the curtain, or sometimes pretend to ring a doorbell. I try to ignore the strange looks from doctors passing by as I try out a variety of doorbell ringing sounds. For most of our littlest patients, this is quite hysterical, almost as funny as me taking my hospital phone out of my pocket and pretending to call them. I have recently been given the opportunity to create a mentoring experience for a first-year pediatric resident to give her several weeks in the life of a Child Life Specialist! She will be armed with bubbles, teaching dolls, books, and stickers, rather than stethoscopes, tongue depressors, and syringes. I am hoping that our smallest of teachers can give her a better understanding of what being a child in the hospital is really about. Please continue to keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I navigate a physically difficult return to work and continue to make decisions for my future that will benefit me both personally and professionally.


I read something this week that really struck a chord with me. Being "healthy" has nothing at all to do with being "well." I think each of us has our own picture of what "healthy" entails, whether that is a certain type of diet, body type, or absence of a chronic illness such as diabetes, asthma, or migraine headaches. If we each were to imagine that we had everything checked off on a list that allowed us to be completely healthy, would we still consider ourselves well? Are we willing to sacrifice any of our own internal wellness to achieve complete physical health? For me, one of the interesting things about facing chronic health concerns, is that I can feel myself begin to shift towards an ideal of a different type of health. Perhaps I can't "fix" what is wrong with my body now, or achieve an ideal sense of physical wellness, but I can work to create a more total sense of wellness, strengthening my relationship with God, being mindful of the substances that I choose to put into my body, increasing physical exercise, fostering interpersonal relationships with friends and families, and choosing emotional health by surrounding myself with positive words, thoughts, and actions. While I feel that my late-20's body has failed me in a sense, perhaps I can fall back on other aspects of wellness, and maybe someday they will over-compensate my physical limitations. I have so much more compassion than I ever did for people at any age who struggle with health concerns, especially when there is no direct prescription or cure for returning your body to the state it used to be in. Wow, doesn't that sound philosophical? For those of you blessed with excellent physical health, I hope you find wellness in other aspects of your life as well, and always follow the example of the young Emergency Department patient who chooses to sing, play, and giggle!


To my blog followers, wishing for you all this week a chance to engage with a young child, to be very very silly, to giggle and laugh, to play a game, and to sing songs. I can guarantee you it will be a far better stress-reliever than pizza, beer, or chocolate! Don't forget to turn your clocks forward this weekend. And finally, a special birthday shout-out to my favorite aunt! Until next time, speak kindly, sing loudly, and blessings to all you love in this world. 

Remember Man That You Are Dust

It's so hard to believe that this past week was the start of Lent! I feel like it was just yesterday that we were celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas. It seems strange to me what a whirlwind my life has been in the past few months. While it is certainly not what I would choose right now, I continue to strive to make the best of each day and to plan for the future. I ask for your thoughts and prayers in the coming weeks as I attempt to transition back to working part-time and make some very important decisions about what the rest of 2012 holds for me both personally and professionally. I've been lucky to find some really great inspirational books that have offered some guidance during this difficult time. I have always been an avid reader and able to very easily relate to things I read in a book. When I was in high-school, I told my Mom that I could learn to drive much easier if I was given an instruction manual and an empty parking lot! Who needs a parent in the front seat? I taught myself how to play the piano and french-braid hair from a book, so why couldn't all my major life lessons be learned from a book? I suppose I can say that I have worked much harder in the past several years to develop my so-called "street smarts," especially after moving hundreds of miles away from my family to a large city! I still continue to find great insight from things I read, especially one particular devotional book that encourages you not to worry about the strength to endure the coming days, weeks, months or years. God will give you the strength and grace sufficient for one day to overcome challenges and to be grateful for the blessings you receive. Each day is a clean slate, a new opportunity to endure, and again, provided with sustaining grace and the relief that you can let go of the insecurities and fears that may stem from thinking past today. Something to consider!


Lent and the Easter season are probably one of my most favorite times of the year, not only spiritually, but personally as well. Maybe it is due to the fact that it coincides with warmer weather, longer days, increased sunshine, and planning for the summer. I used to always try and give up something for Lent as was taught to me very early on in my Catholic education. I have run the gamut of sacrifices including chocolate, candy, gum, soda, soap operas, Facebook, you name it. In the past several years, I have taken a different approach, and tried to do something extra every day as well as attempt to change my perception or way of thinking, especially related to the way I interact with friends, co-workers, and family members. I like having a specific goal to focus on for each day, one that I feel will ultimately bring me closer to God, but also in the end will hopefully help to make me a kinder and gentler person. I hope that this season of Lent, or Spring for my non-religious friends, helps to bring you a renewed sense of purpose, direction, and peace. And for those of my friends who are giving up chocolate and Facebook, I hope Easter rewards you with a giant edible bunny and 150 Facebook notifications!


Another sign of the Spring has been the return of a certain family of geese to my apartment complex. I have no idea where they travel from, as to my knowledge there is not a body of water anywhere in the vicinity of my suburban neighborhood! The geese usually show up in late January, and tend to congregate in several of the grassy areas, sometimes meandering their way towards the playground. Their presence is usually strongly felt by the trail of geese "droppings" they so graciously leave along the walking paths. Last Spring, we welcomed about six little goslings to the complex, sweet little furry things who obediently formed a line and marched their way up the hill to a quieter area. It reminds me of small children in daycare who go on field trips all holding on to one rope! As much as I am fascinated by the geese family, I do not enjoy getting physically close to them. For some reason, I have always been a little unnerved by large geese. I have a vague memory of being chased by one as a child, but that might not be accurate. As I discovered, they appear much more angry looking up close and personal! For now, I'll settle for watching them from the safety of my own car. 


To my blog followers, I hope that you experience your own sighting of signs of Spring this week, and take advantage of slightly warmer and longer days. Thank you for continuing to follow me on this journey. I struggle many days with feeling very isolated from those around me, and on my worst days, quite certain that no one will ever understand the frustration I am feeling or what it is like to be me. On my better days, I continue to be very blessed and humbled by those friends and family members who have provided me with unconditional support and encouragement. I am so thankful for the opportunities I have been given, to be in a position to receive excellent medical care, and to have a select few people who have become my surrogate "family" on days when it seems impossible to continue to be so far away from my own. Be kind, speak gently, and blessings to all you love in this world!

To the Moon and Back

This week began with another goodbye, as our family mourns the loss of my sweet great Uncle John, one of the most intelligent, kind, and humble souls to grace this Earth I'm quite sure. Uncle John spent his life devoted to teaching, primarily English, and could always be counted on for a very serious discussion delving into the required college reading list, the structure of my college contemporary literature class, and what books I was reading for pleasure. He was quick to suggest new authors and titles, and celebrated my graduation from college with memorable words of encouragement and a book from an obscure French author. Despite the fact that we didn't get to see him very often, separated by many states, I remember how proud he was of me and my brother for all of our accomplishments, even when we weren't sure ourselves how valuable our college degree was, or the purpose in taking college classes unrelated to our major. Uncle John, how I will miss your sweet smile and warm conversations at our family gatherings. I'll think of you in the bookstore when I glance at titles from unfamiliar authors and when I'm enjoying a quiet afternoon with a favorite novel. We love you to the moon and back!So, in honor of gentle Uncle John, I thought I would share some of my favorite book titles, and what is gracing my bookshelves right now. 


What I'm Currently Reading: Good Grief (Lolly Winston), a fantastic fiction novel about a young woman's journey through a year following her husband's unexpected death from cancer. It is a great mix of dark humor and certainly doesn't sugarcoat the grief process. 
What's Up Next: The Catholic Girl's Survival Guide for the Single Years: The Nuts and Bolts of Staying Sane and Happy While Waiting for Mr. Right (Emily Stimpson) I came across this book while looking for a devotional read on Amazon. From what I can tell, this will be a light but ultimately truthful read, with realistic suggestions on how to incorporate and maintain your faith in areas such as dating, friendships, finances, family relationships, and work. Love the title! 
Favorite Children's Book: Love You Forever (Robert Munsch) This is by far the sweetest book and would be a great gift for a new Mom, especially welcoming a baby boy. I am not ashamed to admit that I get teary almost every time I read it. Seriously, it's precious!
Inspirational: Heaven is for Real (Todd Burpo) Regardless of your position or view on out-of-body experiences, it is difficult not to be drawn into this story of a young boy's experience of heaven during a life-threatening illness and his family's response. A #1 New York Times Bestseller, I read it cover to cover. 
Got Me Thinking: Why Forgive? (Johann Christopher Arnold) An extremely powerful book filled with stories of individuals who in every right, should never be able to forgive those who wronged them, but who choose to do so, even under terrible circumstances. It will make you think twice about your interactions with your friends, family members, and co-workers, and about choosing forgiveness, even when it seems difficult or impossible. 
Professional Resource: The Other End of the Stethoscope: 33 Insights for Excellent Patient Care (Marcus Engel) I first heard Marcus Engel's story at my alma mater university several years ago. Marcus experienced life-threatening injuries, including blindness, following an accident involving a drunk driver. This book is an absolute must-read for anyone who works in the healthcare setting and is a very raw, no-holds-barred look at the patient's perspective. 
Best Textbook I Didn't Sell Back: Meeting Children's Psychosocial Needs Across the Health-Care Continuum (Rollings, Bolig, & Mahan). I am so glad that I kept this book as it is literally the "Child Life bible" and is by far one of the best resources I have for my job. It provides very concrete and detailed information about supporting patients and families ranging from premature infants in the NICU to patients nearing end-of-life. A must-read for anyone who works with children in the hospital setting. 


Please share with me some of your own favorite titles, as I am always looking for a unique read. I have been doing quite a bit of reading at home these days, and am thankful to have several friends who seem to accumulate a library sized collection of used books that they are happy to pass my way. 


To my blog followers this week, I wish for you the opportunity to be inspired and moved by something you read, and to take comfort in the words of others. Please take the opportunity to examine your priorities in life and to be reminded of the importance of the relationships with those you love. If you know someone experiencing a loss or a difficult crisis, please know that it is not the number of casseroles, elaborateness of a sympathy card, or the "right" words that matter. Simply knowing that someone took time out of their day to call, text, or send an e-mail can be a huge source of comfort and a reminder that even though you may not know what to say or how to say it, you assure that person that they are not alone or forgotten. If all else fails, send chocolate! Until next time, blessings to all you love in this world, and to the moon and back.

The Greatest Love of All

Happy Valentine's Day to my faithful blog followers! I hope this day finds you celebrating with your significant other or at least surrounding yourselves with those you love and perhaps large quantities of dark chocolate. In one particularly telling episode of Sex and the City, we learn that each woman can expect to have three great loves in their lifetime. Three! I think I'll settle for just one if that's alright. Three great loves must mean two incredible heartbreaks, a part of the story that I'd rather skip. I think on Valentine's Day, I'll pretend that my fairy-tale ending is right around the corner, that Prince Charming has just been waiting for the exact moment to make himself known! And until then, I'll settle for a romantic comedy and an extra-large box of chocolates.

Despite the magic of today for many, the past week has been filled with loss both close to home and much farther away. First, Whitney Houston, the singer whose music brings my senses immediately back to a dance studio, slightly out-of-style leg warmers, and the period of approximately one year where I insisted that white ballet shoes instead of the traditional pink were necessary to maintain my social status and to avoid ruining my life forever. Most of my former roommates can attest to the fact that Whitney Houston was the soundtrack to research papers, midterms, and many unofficial study breaks. I am also a not so acclaimed car and shower singer, which Whitney Houston lent herself too quite well. So, for today, her iconic voice remains on my playlist, the Bodyguard as one of the best classically romantic films, and her music forever tied to memories. From a different part of the world, the town of Clemson lost not only their mayor and leader, but an influential and inspirational man, Larry Abernathy. I have more memories of Larry as a child, as he was a co-worker and close friend to my Mom. A trip to my Mom's office always meant a great big bear hug from Larry and often included a piece of candy or some type of treat for my brother and I. Many years later, as a Clemson student, if I happened to run into Larry on campus, I could still expect the same bear hug, and a reminder of how much I looked like my Mom. Clemson will never be able to replace him but will forever be changed by his work and passion for the community.

And finally, the loss of my dear "Unck," a great-great-uncle by name, but so much more in spirit. In the past year, I developed a friendship with Unck after moving to an area that was much closer to him. It transcended the letters and phone calls that had primarily comprised our relationship up to that point. He was homebound in the last few years of his life, relying on oxygen, but relishing in the opportunities to "putter" around as he jokingly put it, fixing vacuum cleaner parts on the kitchen table, sending cards, reading the paper cover to cover each day, and enjoying daily visits from neighbors and a hand-delivered lunch from the elementary school cafeteria across the street. He admitted that the pizza left much to be desired and needed to be cooked longer, but the fruit and jello received rave reviews! A decorated war hero, earning both a Purple Heart and Silver star, Unck preferred to decorate his mantel with pictures of all of his relatives, perhaps thinking of them as his "children" as he never married or had children of his own, although is likely rejoicing today in reuniting with his dear lady-friend Jane. When he knew you would be visiting, your photo would be moved to the center of the mantel or another equally visible place. Our visits were special and he had me into a full-blown belly laugh before I even sat down, giving me the "low-down" on the family news, telling me a story about my grandmother from the good-old days, and always worrying about my drive to work and what I ate in the middle of my shift. And by the way, he'd ask, do you think you could find that lemon poundcake that you brought last time? How about some sugar-free jello? My sweet Unck, how I will miss your phone calls and our visits, always calling me "the little girl," as I was fairly certain sometimes it was hard for you to remember my name, and always reminding me how special my grandmother was just in case I had forgotten. Each visit ended with a kiss to the top of your head and you telling me to watch out for traffic "going over that damn bridge!" You were so loved by everyone who knew you, an example of what living life to the fullest really means. While I wish I had more time with you, I'm so grateful we built our own special friendship. Until we meet again, I love you to the moon and back!

To my blog followers, yet many more reminders this week of how important it is to cherish time spent with family and friends, however short that time may be. Every single night before bed, Unck picked up the phone to call his brother. Every single night, even in times of illness and tragedy. I hope that you will seek out regular connections to those you love, even if they are far away. Grief is a funny thing, often challenging and taunting you to think of the things you didn't do or say, rather than giving yourself permission to remember and smile. For those of you who have lost loved ones, I hope you give yourself permission to smile, and allow yourself to be flooded with warm memories. So, to quote Whitney, "And when melodies are gone, I look to you." Blessings to all you love in this world!

The Magic of Ordinary Days

In my never-ending quest for evening entertainment, I stumbled across a made for TV movie on the Hallmark Channel called The Magic of Ordinary Days. I seem to be drawn to these sappy, low-budget, and sometimes painfully cheesy movies. I am also a well known fanatic of Lifetime. I am fairly certain that one thing I will require in a spouse is their ability to tolerate Lifetime television. This particular movie starred Keri Russell, who I love! Anyone else remember the days of Felicity? I was sure that I was going to be just like Felicity when I went to college, minus chronicling my daily events on a tape recorder. For a brief period, I desperately envied her curly hair and the wardrobe that I assumed must be necessary to meet cute college boys. Even Keri Russell can't disappoint in a cheesy movie dressed as a woman living on the prairie in the 1940's. I was struck more by the movie's title, the magic of ordinary days. I can say that I have struggled this past week to find magic in days that while ordinary, have been trying.

I received some discouraging news related to my health this week that will impact my future and may force me to make some very difficult decisions related to my current career. Thankfully, my medical condition is not life threatening and I am able to continue doing the things that I feel well enough to do. For that, I am eternally grateful as I know so many who can't say the same. However, I must tell you that I am saddened by the fact that my life will be altered to some extent, and may play out in a way that I had not expected. But isn't that the way life goes? Shouldn't I just pick myself up by my bootstraps, put a smile on my face, and count the many blessings that still do exist? Don't I teach patients and families to focus on the positive and overcome the negative? Why should I be allowed to have a pity party for myself? I can't decide if it's a blessing or a curse to be a healthcare professional facing chronic illness. I know all of the medical lingo, I'm familiar with most of the medications prescribed, and I especially understand the meaning behind a doctor's sympathetic smile followed by a cheerful, "Let's just see how you do!" On the other hand, I know the ramifications of a chronic health condition and the toll it can take on a patient, their family, friends, and co-workers. I watch those emotions play out every time I walk through the doors of a hospital. I thought I was supposed to be the teacher, the leader, the example of hope and positive coping?

I suppose this week, I'm in a sense saddened by the loss of what could have been, a very different conversation with an exact remedy, a bandage or a prescription. I'm saddened by the possibility that I won't be able to continue doing what it is I believe that I was put on this earth to do. I'm saddened that my reality and perception of what my future holds may have to be altered. I'm saddened that my future holds many more conversations with doctors. Despite the sadness which I'm sure will fade with time, I will choose to find magic in ordinary days. However difficult it may be, and however many times I need to remind myself, I will choose to believe that the plan for my life is far greater than what I have imagined for myself. I will continue to choose to do the things I love to do, even if they have to be modified. I will also choose to never allow myself or my life to be defined by test results, labwork, and prescriptions. I will choose to find meaning in wherever my life takes me. I will also choose to take life one day at a time, and to maintain hope that I can find joy in a path different than one I had imagined. And when I return to work, in whatever capacity, I will choose to have a deeper understanding and connection to my patients.

One of the highlights of my week was being able to book a flight home for Easter! I can hardly wait to be at home surrounded by my family members and bask in the SC weather, which I'm sure by then will feel like July. I also love Easter baskets, which still remains an upheld tradition in our household. There's not much better than a bakset full of sugar first thing in the morning. Even better, I had finally earned enough miles through my airline reward travel program to warrant a FREE round-trip flight! For those of you who know me well, saving money and coupons make my heart sing. I won't coupon to the extreme, no binders basements full of stockpiles of dish soap, but I am a bargain hunter. Getting an absolutely free round-trip ticket is the bargain hunter's jackpot. I'm also pretty sure that this bumps me from being in the very last boarding zone at the airport. So, thank you airline company, for allowing me to save the money I would have spent on a trip home and use it for a mini-vacation. I think the final verdict will be St. Louis sometime this summer. I have some family and friends in the area and it seems like there is a lot to do. I think an escape is just what I need!

To my blog followers: For this week, I challenge you to find the magic in an ordinary day. I hope that even on an ordinary day, you are fulfilled with what you do and the people you share your life with. If you are a religious or spiritual person, I hope that you find moments in the day to pray or reflect. If not, I hope you find peace in doing ordinary things. I also hope that you never take for granted your ability to do those ordinary things, even when they become tedious, challenging, and frustrating. Enjoy the unseasonably beautiful Spring weather and extra daylight that has lifted my spirit this week! Borrowed from someone who turned the ordinary into extraordinary, "Blessings to all you love in this world."

One Month In

Well blog followers, I can officially say that I feel a bit relieved and blessed that I have made it through the first month of the New Year without too much unwanted excitement. It's so hard to believe that tomorrow will be the start of February. I continue to remain at home, doing a lot of resting, some doctor-approved exercising (shamefully more than I ever did when I was working and feeling well!), a lot of reading, catching up on some great movies, and enjoying some low-key activities with friends. I am trying, although not always very successfully, to take things one day at a time, something I always preached to others, but is much more difficult to live by! I have several important appointments this week that I am hopeful will bring guidance, answers, and possibly an indication of what the months to come will hold. I so appreciate everyone's continued prayers, support, and encouragement.


I've decided that one of the first things I want to do when I am feeling better is to take a trip somewhere. Typically, my vacations involve travelling home to SC, which truthfully is where I'd rather be when I had time off from work! However, I've decided that I'd like to go somewhere that I've never been before, maybe take along a friend or two. I keep seeing Groupon ads for these great bed-and-breakfast getaways in places like Maine or Vermont, which would be great for the Spring. I also have a cousin who lives in St. Louis which seems to be a pretty happening place. I've also never been to NYC, shocking, right? It's certainly a shame since it's pretty close to me, but I would definitely want someone who is an experienced traveller to tag along to show me the ropes. Any ideas for an inexpensive getaway, or a place you travelled to in the US that you fell in love with?


I remember that at this time last year, I had just entered the treacherous but oh so amusing world of online dating! I'm quite certain that for several months, my daily entertainment involved reading the messages I was sent to a group of co-workers. I had only very mild, short-lived success, and haven't yet ventured back. It's such an interesting process, and quite worthy of the analysis of a social experiment. I was quite shocked at the things that people wanted to be shown to the world, although being an avid Facebooker, I suppose not much will shock me now! I wish I could create an automatic decoder for when someone was being dishonest or fudging the truth about their beliefs, values, intentions, and generall overall personality! I feel like I am at an age that is caught in the middle of the dating world. I certainly do not have interest in pursuing a "college-esque" relationship in which suggested dates include a nightly bar crawl, and the relationship is typically short-lived. On the other hand, while I'm not ready to trade in my work clothes for a wedding dress tomorrow, I certainly am on the lookout for something that is a bit more stable and long-term. So, how many dates does it take to make that determination? What topics of conversations should be avoided, if any? And, is that really your most current picture, or a doctored version of you dressed up in a tuxedo from your senior prom? I may venture back into the online dating world once things settle down a bit, if nothing else, for surely interesting blogging material. Anyone have any website recommendations?


In other news, I continue to pray for and be encouraged by several friends who are facing struggles in their lives with more grace than I'm sure it would take me to muster in a week. It's such an inspiration, and a reminder to continue to support those you love in your life. For those of us living far away from our family, our friends truly do become our lifeline and even if we would never admit it to them, depend on them for encouragement and our reminders that we are not alone. So, blog followers, I wish for you this week, the peace of knowing that you are surrounded by those you love, and that your "family" can come in the most unexpected forms. I hope that even in times when the "right" thing to say seems to escape you, that you will take comfort in knowing that simply being there can be enough. I've also been on the lookout for ways to pay small acts of kindness forward, and am amazed at the stories people share about the simple and cost-free ways to pass along what has been given to you. Maybe I'll make that a February resolution. One month in to 2012, "blessings to all you love in this world."

The Waiting Game

Many of my afternoons this past week were spent at various medical appointments, which is almost always preceded by a lengthy stay in a not so accommodating waiting room. Perhaps adult doctor's offices should take note of the waiting rooms at a certain children's hospital? I am an avid people-watcher by nature, so rather than picking up the only magazine available, a tattered issue of Prevention from 2006, I enjoy sitting back and immersing myself in what I will call the "waiting room culture." Now, let me preface this by saying that many of my waiting room counterparts are of a different generation, forty and fifty years my senior. I enjoy watching couples come together for an appointment. It seems to be the wife's job to check in with the receptionist, regardless of whether or not she is the patient. The husband dutifully hangs the coats and scarves and tries to find seating arrangements with the best view of the morning news, and of course two seats together. He typically also has brought the daily paper, taking out certain sections and the crossword puzzle for his wife. Once the wife finishes checking in, a commentary ensues about the husband's poor choice of shirt for the day, given the weather, and why didn't he choose the sweater laid out for him on the bed? She, in the meantime, has chosen a tailored pantsuit, perfectly combed hair, and lipstick for the occasion. The husband's distracted mumblings from behind his newspaper seem to satisfy the wife for the moment, while she pulls out a gallon-sized Ziploc bag full of various medications and ensures that she has brought everything.  

At about this point in time, without fail, someone recognizes another waiting-room participant, perhaps from the bridge club, church choir, or wait, aren't you the couple that live across the street in the retirement community? And didn't I see you in the produce department at Giant last week? Pleased as punch, the wives begin a lively conversation and compare their gallon-sized Ziploc bags while the husbands nod approvingly at each other, each returning to their newspaper. While I'm often the only person in the waiting room who doesn't have a comrade with me, or don't require a driver, couples exchange pleasantries with me, comment on the weather, and eventually ask the inevitable, "Why aren't you married?" Before I have time to creatively answer, a nurse calls my name from the door. The smiles quickly fade as those in the room realize I arrived five minutes after them and I am being seen first! Rumbles and grumbles escalate as I leave the waiting room area. The nurse quickly reminds one of the physicians that he has several patients waiting for him, who are getting a bit "testy." And so, I wonder as I leave the waiting room, what stories would each of those couples have to tell? Has one spouse been the caretaker for many years, or is this a new journey they are taking together? Are they here today to find out what the new journey will be? Perhaps next time, I'll be the one to strike up conversation. Maybe I will learn something new from someone who's much farther along in their life journey, no worse for the wear.

In other news, well, rings, "I do's," and babies...although not for me! Many of the wonderful friends that I went to school with, some as early as elementary school, are ushering in the New Year with a commitment to someone very special or a special someone on the way! It seems almost surreal that the same friends who shared Catholic school uniforms, bagged lunches, birthday parties, and proms, are now moving forward with the creation of their own families. How quickly some periods of time can go by, while others seem to move more slowly. I'm looking forward to celebrating with dear friends and sharing in their joy. It makes me think about my own future and wonder what is in store for me, an exciting but scary prospect! I never thought I could learn as much about myself from being single as I have in the past year. Getting to know yourself as a person and an individual and what you stand for is such a gift, especially when faced with something that at an earlier time in your life would have knocked you to the ground. So, is love on the horizon for the coming year? I certainly no longer am convinced that I have all the answers for what lies ahead, but I will choose, or at least try, to seek happiness in the present knowing that something far greater than myself will dictate my path. In the meantime, getting the chance to hold a friend's new healthy and perfect baby is purely blissful, and the feeling should be bottled up for retail sale!

To my blog readers, I wish for you this week: Patience if you find yourself needing to wait for something, someone, or answers you have been seeking; an indulgence in some Valentine's candy, I recommend Sweet-Tart jelly beans; the ability to be able to financially or in some other way provide support to a cause that is close to you; and finally, someone to remind you that you are meant for greatness. If not, remind yourself, at least once a day!

Six Words

How nice to have this blog to return to each week, especially during a time when things seem a bit uncertain, and the unknown creeps into my organized and routine life more than I am comfortable with. I just read an article in a magazine, describing a project that asks individuals to tell their life's story in only six words. Six words! For someone like me, who derives great pleasure in eloquent speech and detailed explanations, it presented quite a challenge. Here are a few examples from others who have confronted this task:
"I dance daily, watched or not."
"Sorry I'm not married yet, Mom."
"Car totaled. Lives spared. Forever grateful."
So, after much thinking and jotting down a few ideas, I have decided that for at least the remainder of my 26th year of life, my six word life story will be: "Never alone, seeking love, still smiling." Anyone else want to give it a shot?

I finally finished reading The Help, one of the best reads I can truly say I've had in years. I am now reading Gabby, a moving and encouraging story written by Mark Giffords, husband of congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords. I was flipping through the photo section of the book and was struck by a photo that was taken mere seconds before the gunman opened fire in the crowd. How unique to have the details of that moment frozen in time. In my line of work, I am often present with patients and families immediately prior to a life-changing event. I wonder what details of that day, that hour, that minute will remain in their minds? I hope that if I happen to be a part of that picture, even fuzzy in the background, that my presence was supportive, non-judgemental, and maybe a tiny bit of light in a very dark moment. On my worst days, I pray no patient or family remembers the over-tired, hungry, and cranky Child Life Specialist who had to rush to see four different patients and didn't take the time to sit to answer their question. Can you remember vivid details of moments before you had a life-altering event?

Have you ever had something or someone very close to you attacked or questioned in a way that made you feel as if your own character and value was being threatened? How interesting when our own individual identities and feelings are so closely connected to something or someone else that we immediately feel as if we need to rise to the defense. I experienced something similar this week. While the specific details can't be shared, I was quite surprised at my own reaction, how quickly I became offended. It also became a reminder of how quickly differences in perspectives and opinion can morph into anger.

In other news, since being at home, I have enjoyed getting the opportunity to reconnect with friends I haven't spoken to in a while. It's funny how true and lasting friendships are such that one brief phone conversation can feel as if you've spoken every day for months. There are no terms, conditions, or limitations, you are accepted with all of your flaws and imperfections, and likewise accept that person for whatever they bring to the table. Now, more than ever, I value a friend that will disagree with me, call me out when I'm having an extended pity party for myself, and tell me that I should have never worn that color sweater. That same friend will remind you that you are special and worthwhile, that you have much to offer the world and that you are destined for great things. To my dear friends, thank you. You lift me up and keep me there!

To my blog followers, I wish you the reconnection with an old friend or the making of a new one, time at the end of a stressful day to get lost in a great book, and moments that would make it simply impossible for you to tell about your life to date in only six words. Speak kindly and remember the mark your words will inevitably leave on someone, even those who are strangers. Thank you for reading and "blessings to all you love in this world."

Happy New Year!

Welcome to my blog! Hoping each of you had a joyous Christmas, filled with memories that will carry you through the coming year. This year begins a bit different for me, as I am currently taking a medical leave from work. I have been so humbled by the support, prayers, cooked meals, cards, and e-mails I have received. I am attempting to make the most of this time at home, while looking forward to my return to work. How strange to be given the opportunity in which for a given period of time, you are no longer defined by the job you do each day, a job that you believe you are called to do, and a job you love. Instead, each day must be given a new identity, a new purpose, and utilize an entirely different set of skills. So, here are some things that have characterized my year so far. Enjoy reading, please feel free to share your thoughts, and thanks for choosing to travel this journey with me!

What I'm Reading: The Help by Kathryn Stockett, a gift from my brother for Christmas. I meant to read the book before I saw the movie, but never got around to it. I am about halfway through, and it is an incredible piece of literature. It can be so easy to forget how different our culture was a mere fifty years ago, and how we treated those who were different from us. What will people say about our generation in fifty years? How far have we come in accepting the differences of others? How far do we still need to go?

What I'm Watching: I happened to stumble across the movie The Secret Life of Bees in my search for Lifetime Channel and Hallmark movies to add to the DVR. It was excellent. Has anyone read the book? I will also admit that I am a follower of The Bachelor. I'm not quite sure how I feel about Ben. He seems to be a little awkward, and doesn't initiate a lot of deep conversation before he literally dives into a hot-tub or swimming pool make-out session. The girls are entertaining as always, especially Blakely, who on Monday night's episode felt the need to seek emotional refuge crouched on the floor in between two suitcases. I don't have any favorites yet, time will tell.

What's Inspired Me: I received a unique gift in the mail this week. My grandmother's church has a prayer shawl ministry, a group of women who come together weekly to knit shawls that are given to those in the church community as well as in other parts of the country experiencing illness, a loss, or encountering a challenging experience. Each knitted shawl is blessed by the priest, and comes with a religious medal as well as a beautiful card. How nice to know that you can feel surrounded by thoughts and prayers from people who have never even met you.

In the News: A decision was made this week mandating the closure and mergings of close to fifty Catholic schools in my area due to financial instability. Many people in the community are outraged, and already beginning the appeal process. Having attended Catholic school as a child, I can attest to the strong sense of community each school has. I am saddened for the students, parents, and families of these schools and hope that some type of solution can be found. I hope that families will have the ability to choose the educational setting that is best for their children.

What I've Discovered: Pinterest! Enough said. Can I get a repin?

What I'm Missing: My family for sure. It's so hard to go home for a long vacation and be surrounded by family and then to return what has now become the norm, weekly phone calls, and visits every few months. It just never feels like quite enough time. How do you balance the idea that you are where you believe you're supposed to be but it just doesn't feel like the world is right when your family isn't within driving distance? On the other hand, it's been nice to be closer to my grandparents and other relatives. When my brother and I were younger, we saw them only a couple of times a year. Now, I can see them more often and their home starts to feel more familiar and more like home as well.

What's Made Me Laugh: There is a fantastic commercial advertising Robitussin in which a large gorilla gets out of bed and travels to the drugstore in search of the perfect cold remedy, adorned with a green scarf. Anyone seen it? Put a monkey in a real-life situation and you're bound to have hilarity. A dear friend from work also filled a night with more laughter than I've had in several weeks. She always entertains me with stories about her mischevious puggle, and some very interesting views on the Bible. For instance, did you know that you can refer to a chapter in the Bible as a cluster of verses? Many thanks to all of my friends who have helped remind me to laugh in the past few weeks.

Well, looks like we've made it through the first blog posting! Thanks for reading! Wishing all of you some quiet moments this week, a chance to reconnect with friends, a good belly-laugh, a warm pot-roast on a cold night, and perhaps a bright spot in your day that reminds you why you love your job (hopefully). Until next time, I'll borrow a line from Amy Potvin, an inspirational mother I know, "Blessings to all you love in this world."